Welding Humor

Practically speaking, welding is no laughing matter. Welders go to work every day with tools and materials that are potentially hazardous. There are safety measures that must be followed and safety gear that must be donned to ensure that disaster doesn’t strike in the shop. But that doesn’t mean there isn’t room for some humor in the trade! Read on for some fun welding jokes, gag quotes, and comic illustrations. 


How many welders does it take to change a lightbulb? 
None. Welders aren't afraid of the dark.


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"You know they can teach monkeys to weld."
"Yeah but THEY quit after they get burned once."


Screen shot 2012-02-26 at 10.00.59 PM

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"You can always tell an old pipe welder…you just cant tell him much!"

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And what’s a humor column without a few “you might be” jokes?

You might be a welder if…

…everyone is asking you, “Couldn’t you just buy that?”
…you use a welding rod for chop sticks.
…you have sunburn in the winter.
…your shirts, sneakers, and socks are ventilated.
…you find yourself flicking your head down when the sun gets in your eyes.
…you keep feeling for a knob on the back of your hard hat or baseball cap.
…you squeeze your fork to release the food. 
…your friends say, “It’s Miller time!” and you grab your gloves and shield.
…you lay z-weave ketchup beads on your eggs or french fries.
…you tie things down with MIG wire. 
…you own a triple barrel shotgun. 


Your turn! What's your favorite welding joke?

7 thoughts on “Welding Humor”

  1. sue ingram says:

    I got the biggest laugh out of the food ones -‘ you squeeze your fork to release the food’ and ‘you lay z-weave ketchup beads on your eggs or french fries’ ! I so relate to those having had a welder in the family!

  2. chad mccoy says:

    Its 2035 and a man walks into a brainstore to buy a new brain the shopkeeper asks the man what he can do him for and the man asks for a brain the shopkeeper says well i have three brains to choose from first here is a doctors brain it costs two thousand dollars second i have a lawyers brain its three thousand and last i have a welders brain its ten thousand dollars. the guy replies are you kidding me why is the welders brain so expensive. the shop keeper replies but sir its practically brand new its hardly been used.

  3. Laser Process says:

    Some ok jokes there. How about Q: what kind of music do welders like? A: Heavy Metal.

  4. Brian Lilliston says:

    An honest point…not really a joke. I am a welding instructor at Eastern Shore Community College. My welding shop is one of the few places where dozens of straight men ask me to come to their booth and look at their buts… It’s a welding booth, they are welding students and it is a butt joint, but I laugh inside a little everytime I hear it. BLilliston

  5. Hendricks says:

    When I worked at the local junior college with other instructors, I overheard strange things at times from the welding booths. On the first week I was there I overheard another instructor screaming at a student in the booth “Get it in there!” To be honest I did not want to know what was going on in that booth, but I was a little curious. Then I later heard the same instructor with a different student, again “Get it in there!” I thought, what the bloody hell is that all about? The third time I had to know, so I dropped my hood and entered the booth. He was teaching 3G With E7018, and that was his way of telling them to keep their arc gap tight. I have to admit I was relieved to find out what was really going on.

  6. Hendricks says:

    Another favorite story… As a female instructor in a mostly male field I have run into some unique situations. I routinely entered booths at the junior college without knowing who I was popping in on. We had new students coming and going all the time, and they clocked in, so I really never knew who I might be helping. One night I had a student that the other two instructors had grown tired of. They told me to deal with him because they had had enough of him. I had not met him, and I assumed they had told him I would be by. I walked into his booth and began to observe him in progress. When he was done, I gave him some critique on the shape of the puddle and how he needed to keep his arc gap shorter and practice better rod control. I then contrasted running vertical with his previous experiences of running horizontal and flat. He look me dead in the eye and said, “I am certain with your help I could achieve better rod control, I definitely prefer horizontal but if you are into vertical I am willing to give it a try, but first what’s your name sweetheart.” I was mortified. I am sure I turned as red as the Lincoln Welders. He didn’t know I was an instructor, and he really thought I was talking dirty to him. From then on I introduced myself.

  7. red says:

    Less chatter,more spatter…

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